Kill the Monster Steal the Treasure Stab the Yami
by Margret Esmerelda Note Spelling
Summary: YGO!Munchkin Xover: Bakura finds a new game that the Pharaoh just doesn't get.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: Well here I am again, and so soon too! I got something a little different for you all this time. For one, it's Yu-Gi-Oh! instead of Kingdom Hearts, and two, it's a B-Day present for my darling nii-san. He put this idea in my head!_

_It was pretty much spawned while we were watching Yu-Gi-Oh!, and the bro said "I wonder how the Yugi-tachi would deal with the Munchkins."_

_If you don't know what Munchkin is you might not understand the story. It is a real game, produced by Steven Jackson Games. It pretty much works the way it's described in the story. Nii-san and I love it and have most of the versions._

_This is a sort of prelude to another story in which they're actually trapped (again) in the game, but they're scattered through out the different genres. This is just about how they started playing the game. If you guys are interested, I'll post that story._

_On a side note, I don't hate Anzu; she just really annoys Bakura in this story. If I continue the story, she'll get better I promise._

_Also to the reviewers of Empty Lullaby, thank you for you're kind words. It means a lot to me._

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Munchkin.

Warnings: Not too many. Rated T b/c Bakura needs to have his mouth washed out with soap.

Kill the Monster. Steal the Treasure. Stab the Pharaoh.

Prologue:

It had been a birthday present from Rebecca.

After seeing the title, Yugi had decided that it had to be a gag gift. Miffed that his American friend had seen fit to tease him about his most obvious shortcoming he'd left the game on the shop counter without even opening the plastic. When he'd returned it was gone.

When questioned later, Atemu said that Grandpa had set a stack of games that weren't selling on the counter and told him to put them away somewhere to make more room in the front of store. So Yugi's gift was now probably somewhere on the top shelf.

Yugi didn't consider it a terrible loss; in fact as far as he was concerned the offending game could stay where it was.

The King of Games really should have known better. All games have a life and heart of their own and Yugi had just broken the heart of this one. For all his talk about "the Heart of the Cards" he hadn't even given them a chance, and hell hath no fury like a game scorned, especially _this_ one. So the game sat and brooded on its shelf, awaiting a mind that would appreciate it.

"Uno," Bakura declared, but without much enthusiasm. It was only the first game of the night and his temper was already worn thin. Yes, there it was, that all too familiar and completely repulsive glint in the Pharaoh's eyes. How had his hikari convinced him to come to this?

Earlier that day:

"Everyone's coming over for game night right?" Yugi asked almost bubbling over with excitement.

"Of course."

"Wouldn't miss it."

"You can count on us."

"Count me out," the last comment came from a rather moody Bakura. Was it really time for his weekly night in hell already?

Everyone stared at him as if he'd just killed someone, except Ryou who looked like he was getting a headache. Well this was just ducky.

He didn't need this. He'd had a very bad day. He'd over-slept, missed breakfast, had to stand in the hall for being late, and failed a pop-quiz on (of all things) modern Egyptian cities. While he'd been cursing all social studies courses he had realized he had no lunch and by the time he'd found Ryou to bum some food off of him, Malik had beaten him to it.

Being reminded that tonight was the night that he had to go to the game shop and watch the Pharaoh win every single game the Mutous owned, again, wasn't helping.

Yugi was becoming, unduly in Bakura's opinion, upset. Why did it matter if he went to these game nights or not? With exceptions of Ryou, Malik, and Mariku, no one liked him.

"Why don't you want to come Bakura?" Yugi whimpered.

"Yeah, how come?" great Jounochi was getting in on the act.

"Why do you think?" Bakura snapped. A mental count down started in his head.

The others looked shocked, again except for Ryou, of course, who was pinching the bridge of his nose and Malik who looked amused.

…3…2…1

"How can you call yourself our friend and say–"

Ah Anzu, right on cue, Bakura thought before he cut her off.

"I don't call myself your friend. And I'm fucking sick and tired of this so-called 'game nights'. If I want mind numbing monotony, I'll watch reruns of Dragon Ball Z."

And with that he stalked off leaving Anzu gaping.

"How dare he!" Atemu snarled furiously. "He knows why game night is so important."

"He's just had a really bad day," Ryou said soothingly. He put a hand on Yugi's shoulder "Don't worry. I'll talk to him. We'll be there tonight."

Yugi smiled gratefully at him. "Thanks Ryou."

The white-haired boy smiled back and then chased after his yami.

The little group set off towards the game shop again, chatting about preparations.

Yugi trailed a little behind others, still feeling down about Bakura. Malik fell instep next to him.

"You know Yugi," he whispered once he was certain the Pharaoh and Anzu were out of earshot, "He may has been a complete ass about it, but Bakura has a point. Playing games with the Pharaoh, and no offence, you sort of loses its appeal after a while."

"Really?" Yugi felt worse than ever.

"Yeah," Malik grimaced. "It's just the same games, the same winner, it gets old."

"What if we found a new game would that help?" Yugi asked hopefully.

"It might," Malik said carefully. He didn't want to tell Yugi that the thing that would really help was if the Pharaoh lost once and while to someone other than Yugi. The little duelist had cheered-up and he didn't want to depress him again. Upsetting Yugi was like kicking a puppy.

At the Bakura residence, things were finally going better for the tomb robber.

He knew that Ryou was buttering him up to convince him to go game night, but at least it meant a hot meal and several cups of strong, heavily sweetened, milky coffee.

He watched as Ryou packed a satchel with snacks, a few board games and a pack of Starbucks Double Shots to temp his yami with.

He looked the tomb robber straight in the eye.

"Bakura," he said, "are you going to come quietly or are we going to have a fight about this?"

Bakura stared back. He really didn't want to go. On the other hand he really didn't want to fight with Ryou. He might've looked soft, but underneath his hikari was made of steel.

"Only if I don't have to share the double shots," he grumbled.

"Draw four Tomb Robber," Atemu smirked as he played his card. "The new color is red," he added.

Bakura drew his cards and looked around at the other players. There was Jounochi, Honda, and Anzu who'd helped set up, Shizuka who'd brought snacks, the Ishtars who'd brought trouble and more snacks, Mai, who Jounochi had invited that night, Ryou, and Otogi who'd helped Mokuba drag his brother there.

Bakura wasn't sure how Yugi'd convinced the CEO to come, but he assumed blackmail was involved.

He looked at his cards. None of them were red. "I don't need the Sennen taulk to know how this game will end," he grumbled under his breath. Malik who was sitting next to him tried, unsuccessfully, to suppress a snigger. Of course, Anzu noticed.

"You two had better behave yourselves and start taking this seriously," she chided. Ra, how he hated that bossy tone of hers!

"Take it seriously?" he baulked. "Listen to yourself Mazaki, it's _Uno_ for Ra's sake!"

"Yeah, Anzu. I mean it's not like it's a Shadow Game or anything." Wait, was that Yugi sticking up for him?

"Or even Duel Monsters," added Mai. Yup, she was as bored as he was.

"But guys, he doesn't appreciate us at all!" Anzu snapped, "He could care less that we've been nice enough to put up with his bad attitude, and tried to be his friend. He just doesn't care!"

"You're right I don't, so stop wasting your time!" Bakura spat back and threw his cards on the table.

"But don't you want to know how the game ends?" Mokuba asked as the yami got up.

"Chibi-Kiaba, I _know_ how the game ends. It'll come down to a show down between the Pharaoh and the High Priest. Kiaba will almost win before the Pharaoh pulls off some "heart of the cards" bullshit, yes on Uno cards, and snatch victory at the last moment. Everyone says how great the Pharaoh is, Kiaba shoots himself, I puke (1), The End."

"Bakura-" Atemu warned. But the tomb robber had had enough.

"Stuff it Pharaoh," he snarled and stalked off in the direction of the shop.

Ryou sighed and put his cards down.

"I'd better go after him," he said.

"Don't Ryou," said Anzu gently, "Let him stew and stay here with us. He doesn't deserve a nice hikari like you."

Ryou shook his head, "Sorry everyone. But I have to."

Anzu huffed at the mild rejection. "How can you be so nice to someone like him?" she demanded.

Ryou's eyes went cold. "I just think it's about time someone was," he turned to Yugi with a softer expression, "Besides I should really keep him away from the register."

The inside of the shop was dark, the only light spilled from the door to the house.

"'Kura," Ryou called softly, "Are you in here?"

"Bakur-"

"I'm over here," a voice said somewhere in the shadows, "Don't worry, I didn't touch the till."

Wow, he must be really angry Ryou thought. He couldn't see his yami at all. Whenever Bakura was really upset he always retreated to the shadows, wrapping them around himself like a kind of two-dimensional security blanket.

"Bakura—'

"I'm not going back in there, Hikari!" the tomb robber hissed.

"They'll drink your starbucks, if you don't."

"I can buy more coffee. It's not worth their fucking high and mighty attitudes."

Ryou pinched the bridge of his nose.

"What I was going to say was that I was really proud of you tonight, well until you started fighting with Anzu."

"She started it!" Bakura protested. "I didn't do anything wrong."

Ryou smiled. "I know you didn't Yami. Besides you telling them off certainly made Kiaba feel better. He was about to go off too, you know."

"Well whoop-de-fucking-do" Bakura snorted. "I made the freaking High Priest feel all warm and fuzzy."

"Come on Bakura, no one ever said we had to all play the same game. Let's get the Ishtars and play one of my board games."

"Why do have to play games at all?" Bakura complained. "I know the only way for this stupid business to truly be over is if the Pharaoh and I come to terms with each other. So why couldn't it be movie night, or a club or hell, I don't know, a theater troupe?"

Ryou chuckled sadly, "Because it was Yugi who set the terms with Shadi, and what else would Yugi pick?"

"How am I suppose to forgive the fucking Pharaoh if he crushes my ego every week?"

"I don't know Kura."

"He won't even play the games I like. We haven't played Monster World even once since this thing started."

"Nothing that was used as a Shadow Game, Kura," Ryou sighed. That rule had really bummed him out.

"And then there's the friendship freak," the tomb robber was on venting roll now. "Why does she have to be here? All she does is make it worse."

"Anzu does have a good side."

"I'd settle for a quiet side. Fuck, hikari the only thing worse than the Pharaoh's bitch is someone who _wishes_ they were the Pharaoh's bitch."

Ryou rolled his eyes. He hoped no one else could hear his yami.

"And the way she goes on about friends. You'd think she'd take her own advice. It's because of people like her that I don't have friends."

"Well, what am I?"

Bakura shrugged. "I dunno, my hikari I guess. I just refuse to apply that trite, clichéd, hypoglycemic word that Mazaki whores out every chance she gets, to you."

Ryou smiled. "That's sort of sweet, in a sick, twisted and incredibly vulgar way."

Bakura sighed, "Just once, I wish the games were on my side, not the Pharaoh's." He kicked the shelf he was standing next to. With a sort of narrative inevitability, the offended shelf dropped a box on his head.

Bakura swore in Egyptian.

"What happened?" Ryou asked.

"The stupid shelf dropped something on me."

"Probably serves you right. What is it?"

"I dunno"

"Bring it over here."

Bakura emerged from the shadows rubbing his head and holding a small beige box. Ryou held it up in the feeble light from the door and both he and his yami inspected it.

"I've heard of this before," said Ryou eagerly, "people talk about sometimes on the role playing message boards. It's supposed to be hilarious."

Bakura shrugged, although he was intrigued. After all the game's motto alone seemed promising.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the game was pretty much going the way Bakura had predicted. It was down to Kiaba and Atemu, but only Anzu and the Pharaoh himself seemed to care about what was going on. In fact, the Pharaoh was getting annoyed. Kiaba wasn't really trying, and when he spoke it was a sarcastic tone that sounded as if he was reading a script, badly.

The others had more or less, completely lost interest. Honda and Jounochi were throwing Uno cards like darts, with Otogi's hair as the target. Otogi was trying to hit on Shizuka and dodge the cards. Shizuka was ignoring him to help Yugi, Mai, and Mokuba build a card house. The Ishtars had fallen asleep.

Kiaba had just gotten to the part where he was holding his index finger to his temple in order to "shoot" himself in the head, when the door opened and Ryou and Bakura came back in.

"Hey Yugi," the other duelist looked up at Ryou intrigued by the eagerness in his friend's voice. "Can I open this? I'll pay for it."

Yugi wrinkled his nose in distaste when he saw the box. "Oh that was just a gag gift from Rebecca. Do whatever you want with it."

Ryou looked confused. "Gag gift?" he muttered. "I heard it's a best seller in the States."

Ignoring Anzu's cheery "How about one more hand?" Bakura walked over to the snack cooler and grabbed the rest of his double shots. He continued to ignore her angry glare as he plopped himself down on the sofa. The others were reassembling the deck, except for the cards the Ishtars were sleeping on. As a wise man once said, "Let sleeping psychos lie."

Ryou sat down on Bakura's lap making himself comfortable, and ignoring his yami's grumbling. He tore the plastic wrap and opened the box. He handed the two decks of cards to Bakura and began to read the instructions.

Every so often the Uno game heard a giggle from Ryou or a snicker from Bakura. When Ryou started laughing outright, Mokuba, bored with Uno, wandered over to see what was so funny. After a moment he was laughing too.

"Hey Yugi," he called out between giggles, "Can we just try this game, please?" He gave Yugi the look that always melted Kiaba. Yugi, also a master of the dreaded "puppy eyes" technique, had never been on the receiving end of that look before, and was now realizing its true horror. He knew enough that if he gave in to it now he'd be in wielder's thrall forever.

Mokuba cranked the cuteness level up to eleven. Atemu and Kiaba, both regular victims of "the look", were watching him closely to see if he'd cave. Kiaba, Yugi noted, couldn't even look at his brother. In fact, he was beginning to sweat from being in the same general direction as Yugi.

However, Yugi was not about to fall for his own trick. He looked Mokuba right in the eye and smiled.

"Sorry Mokuba but I'd rather not."

The "look" was immediately shut off. Yugi could practically see the "Damn, I wish I could do that" thought bubbles above Atemu and Kiaba's heads.

"But why not?" the little Kiaba whined.

"What do you have against this game?" Ryou chimed in holding up the box.

Yugi rolled his eyes. "I dunno, the title maybe."

Ryou looked confused for a moment and then realization dawned. Behind him Bakura sniggered.

Mai squinted at the box.

"_Munchkin_?" she read allowed.

Kiaba sat up from where he'd been pantomiming vomiting since the Pharaoh had won another game of Uno and Bakura was otherwise occupied.

"Munchkin?" he said taking an interest in, well anything, for the first time that night. "All the gamers in the States and Europe are chattering about that one. A lot of my international market is pushing for me make a virtual version of it, but I haven't played it yet."

"Well this is the perfect chance, then," Bakura grinned. If he could get the High Priest on his side…

"What's it about?" asked Mai.

Kiaba tried to remember what he'd read about the game.

"From what I recall, it's supposed to be parody game like a role playing game without the role playing, just the hack and slash."

Jounchi and Honda perked up at this.

"Well say no more," Jou grinned. "Let's crack it open!"

"Hack and slash sounds good to me." Honda chimed in.

"We're slashing what now?" a bleary eyed Malik asked. Bakura's discarded Uno hand was sticking to his face.

"Muchkins apparently," Shizuka answered, "And I'd like to add I find it disturbing that the phrase 'hack and slash' woke you up."

"Meh" said Malik and he started peeling cards off his face.

"There's all kinds of weird monsters, and freaky items that boost your power," Ryou continued eagerly.

"Yeah and I read that there's all kinds of expansions too," Otogi added. "Like an outer space adventure and kung-fu movie."

"Anything's better than this," Mai indicated the now defunct Uno game.

"But Yugi said he didn't want to play it." Atmeu said flatly. Everyone went silent. Yugi was uncomfortably aware that all eyes were on him. Everyone had gotten fired up again. Even Kiaba. He didn't want to ruin that. He'd only said he didn't want to play based on the title. Now that he knew what the game was about, he was interested too.

"We won't if you don't want to," the Pharaoh said encouragingly.

"Yes," Anzu added primly, "Besides I don't think it's a good idea for us to play a game that says 'Stab your buddy' right on the box."

"No it's okay," said Yugi quickly, "I didn't know it was a real game. I thought it was just something Rebecca had made to tease me." Besides he thought, a new game might help.

"Jolly good, let's play!" Ryou beamed.

With record speed, the Uno cards were cleared, Malik woke his yami with a kick to the shin, and the new game was set up.

Ryou read the directions aloud, garnering several sniggers from the others. As he continued, Bakura felt an unholy glee rise within him. Lie, cheat, and steal, if you could get away with it, it was legal. If you were caught, no problem, half the fun was trying to trip up the other players anyway. Hell, you could keep playing even if you died.

This was his kind of game.

Bakura glanced at the others. Oh yes, they heard the siren song too. Come on, whispered the cards. Be as bad as you like. You know you want too, we won't tell. It'll be our little secret.

Except for the Pharaoh. He looked worried. So did Mazaki.

Good.

A few rounds into the game, Atemu (now an elvin wizard) was fuming. He'd just lost a combat to the Potted Plant, courtesy of Kiaba (a dwarven cleric) Enraging it, and Bakura (a half-halfling thief) back stabbing him. He cheered up a little though when Kiaba kicked down the door and found the Duck of Doom.

A few rounds later…

"Okay with this spell card I can slay the Gazebo," Yugi (halfling warrior) cheered, happy he'd found a way to defeat the maniacal garden accessory.

"Sorry Yug, but it's Ancient."

"Wha- Jounochi _how could you?"_

Jounochi grinned sheepishly. "Sorry Yugi, but you're already level eight."

"…"

Mariku sniggered. "What'd'ya gonna do now mini-pharaoh?"

"Scream for help."

"I'll help you Yugi," Anzu trilled.

"Can't," Kiaba grinned.

"Yes I can! I always help a friend in nee—"

"No you can't," Kiaba said hurriedly cutting her off, hoping to head off the ensuing lecture, "Read the card. It says you must face the Gazebo alone."

"Awww drat! It _does_ say that," Yugi groaned. "What do I do now?"

"You could try to run away," said Otogi offering a six-sided die to Yugi. "Roll a five or a six to escape, otherwise the Bad Stuff happens."

Yugi looked at the Bad Stuff. Yeah that was pretty bad stuff. He rolled.

"Alright! Yay five!"

"Wait a minute," said Mai looking at Yugi character cards, "You're a halfling."

"So?"

"So, you have an automatic minus one to run away. That five was really a four."

"So you didn't really get away," Malik added.

Yugi stared at the card in front of him. Yup, there it was. Printed right there, on the card. Rather prominently too.

"Drat!"

A few more rounds later…

Atemu couldn't understand it. He just couldn't! Neither he, nor Yugi seemed to be able to sync with this game. Oh sure they understood the rules, but Atemu could _feel_ the game fighting them. Yugi had died, the others had taken his stuff, but he was still playing determinedly. He'd died _again_, because of the stupid sex change curse. He swore he was going to get Malik for that. Just as he thought he had a plan, Mokuba played Divine Intervention. Mokuba and Ryou, both got level ten and proceeded to cheer and holler and mock the other players as per the instructions on the card.

It was sometime later and Yugi and Atemu were cleaning up. The others had gone home, some of them in a good mood for once.

"I'm glad that's over," Atemu sighed.

Yugi grimaced. "I don't think it is Pharaoh."

The Pharaoh looked startled. "Why not aibou?"

"The others really liked that game. Especially Bakura and Kiaba."

"Anzu didn't."

"Yes, but she was staring to get into it."

"Not really. She just got angry. Besides I don't trust that game. It didn't like us."

"I think that's my fault," he admitted. "You know, for not giving it a chance."

"I still don't want to play it again."

Yugi sighed. Losing was no fun but… "The other's will be upset if we refuse. I kinda got the sense that they liked the idea that they had a chance to win against us. Malik told me that it was kinda tedious playing against us this morning. I guess he has a point. A game's no fun if you _know_ you're going to lose. This new game will balance things up."

Atemu didn't answer. Yugi had apparently made up his mind and would think that he was petty if he persisted in refusing to play the game. Besides he had bigger things to worry about. He had the horrible suspicion that game was on Bakura's side. It didn't necessarily mean it'd help him win every time; it wasn't that kind of game. But it _would_ make sure that he, the Pharaoh, lost all the time.

He recalled a movie that he and Yugi had watched one night, about a boy that was kidnapped by goblins and at one point in the movie there had been a musical number. Some Eighties pop-idol was done up in glam make-up and was dancing around singing with a bunch of freaky-looking puppets (2). It had been the most disturbing thing Atemu had ever seen.

He now had a mental image of Bakura as the glammed-up Goblin King with the Munchkins from the card game dancing around him. He shuddered.

"What's wrong Atemu?" The Pharaoh sent Yugi the image over their mind link. Yugi burst out laughing.

"Oh come on. It won't be that bad."

One week later.

Yugi hung up the phone. "That was weird."

Atemu looked up. "What was weird?"

"That was Otogi. He said he and the Kiabas were going to be early, and I didn't even mention the blue-eyes-white dragon boxer shorts."

"I still think we should put those on ebay. They'd probably bring in enough for a PS3 and a Wii. "

"Careful Atemu, you're starting to sound like Bakura," Yugi teased. Atemu looked thoroughly offended.

"Yugi," he said haughtily, "even as joke, even coming from you, there are just some things you don't say."

"Sorry Pharaoh," Yugi grinned, not as apologetically as Atemu would have liked though.

A little while later the doorbell rang and Yugi let in Otogi and Kiaba, who was carrying a large box. Mokuba trailed along behind, giving Atemu his "oooo you're in trouble now" grin. Kiaba himself was wearing his trademark, "I've found a new way to annoy the pharaoh" smirk, and set box down.

Atemu peered in the box.

"Oh you've got to be kidding me!"

Kiaba's smirk became an unholy grin. "We've got the classic dungeon crawl, the outer space adventure, the Hong Kong adventure, super heroes, spy thrillers, and vampires, werewolves, and changelings, oh my."

"And all of the expansion packs," Mokuba added.

"And the blender pack so we can mix all the decks together," Otogi said. "And look there's even special dice for counters and epic rules."

The Great Pharaoh sat down heavily in a convenient chair. The Munchkins danced devilishly in his mind's eye. He shot a glare at Yugi.

"You were right aibou. It won't be as bad as I thought," he grimaced. "It's going to be much, much worse."

The End…?

1. Homage to Bart Simpson.

2. I love this movie so much. I just thought it would be funny if the Muppets freaked out the Pharaoh.

_Okay guys, let know if I should keep going with this. Drop me a line, especially if you have any ideas which genre Honda (Tristin) should be in, I've got the others pretty well worked out. _


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's Note: More Yu-Gi-Oh! silliness, with a slightly serious beginning explaining why they have to have "Game Night". Oh and I didn't mention it before but I tend to manga-centric, just so you know._

_I'm not to sure about the update schedule on this so bear with me. I tend to work on this when I get writer's block and have get going again._

_Incidentally, all the cards mentioned are real cards in the game. _

_Malik hikari_

_Mariku yami_

Warning: Not too many. Just a bit of bad language.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Munchkin.

**Chapter 2: Shadi! No!**

Shadi, mysterious servant of Anubis made his way down a nondescript street in Domino City Japan. Isis, another member of the mysterious clan of Tomb Keepers and guardian of the Great Pharaoh, walked beside him, guiding him to a small game shop on the corner.

"Do you know Isis? Have they made any progress?" Shadi asked. Isis sighed and shook her head.

"I know it wasn't going very well," she answered. "Poor Yugi practically had to drag the others there, and my brother said the Tomb Robber walked out of almost every session."

Shadi frowned. Even the Shadow Realm could not contain a spirit as vengeful as that of the former Tomb Robber. And bound as they were to each other, the Pharaoh had been forcibly drug from his rest when Bakura escaped. Oh with Malik Istar's other personality in tow no less.

The problem was, Bakura _did_ deserve his revenge. Even Shadi had to admit that. It was the root of the whole problem. The ghost of Kul Elna had to be laid to rest, and only when the spirits were able to rest in peace, would they cease to torment Bakura.

Shadi had been amazed at the lengths that the Tomb Robber's reincarnated self, his host Ryou, had gone to, to purge Bakura of Zork's poison. Without the dark god's ambition driving him, he was a truly wretched creature.

The Pharaoh had been sick the first time he'd seen Bakura's true self, a used, abused, and beaten child, set up to be Zork's tool from the very beginning. It had all been planned, Bakura's fate had been sealed the moment Millennium tome had been written. What must it have been like? To know you had to be the bad guy. To always hear the dieing screams of your kin. To have your soul raped every time you even thought of straying from the god's design, and yet, not broken.

And then you have to put up with some brat king lecturing you about right and wrong. Let _him _try it for a while.

All these things had been in Bakura's soul room when Shadi had looked in to find a means of defeating him. Ryou had known. You don't share a body with someone for years without finding out a few things about them. Shadi loathed admitting it, but had he been in Bakura's shoes, he would have wanted to murder the bastards whose bright idea the Millennium Items were too.

He was actually glad the items were gone now. Purified and unmade. And where the Great Pharaoh, the living god, had failed, gentle, melancholy Ryou had succeeded. He had tamed the savage creature by forgiving him and accepting him as part of himself, one soul two lifetimes. Ryou said he saw it as saving himself. They even had the same name he'd remarked.

All that was left, the last challenge, the last test of character, the last piece of the puzzle as it were, was for the two spirits to forgive each other. He wished he'd known this from the get go. Only then would cycle of hate truly be broken. Only then could both spirits move on. He'd saved the world. Now if only he could save himself.

In Shadi's opinion, the Pharaoh was doomed.

The two had gotten into a yelling match moment the terms of the challenge had been announced. Ryou had trustingly allowed Yugi to be the one to decide the means, as he struggled to prevent Bakura from slugging the Pharaoh.

In retrospect, he really should have steered Yugi away from games.

There was probably no way in hell, that they'd be ready for the next step. He wondered how long he'd have to do these little check-ups.

"Almost every game?" he sighed.

"Well…"

Shadi raised an eyebrow.

"Well, they seem to have found a new game," Isis continued. "I'm not really sure what it's about, but Malik and Bakura apparently love it." She tried to remember what else she'd been able to decipher from her brother's hyperactive ramblings.

"It was Ryou's idea to play it. And I don't think the Pharaoh is very fond of it. I sent Rishid with them tonight to find out more."

Shadi nodded. They entered the house prepared for anything.

Well, Shadi had thought he was prepared for anything. He was most certainly not prepared to hear, the moment Yugi let him in the door, someone swearing a blue streak in ancient Egyptian.

The _Pharaoh_ swearing a blue streak in ancient Egyptian.

**"(Censored) Malik! (Censored) play that (censored) sex change curse on someone else would you!"**

Shadi and Isis exchanged looks as Yugi rejoined the game.

"Hey Yami, how about you speak a language we can all understand?"

He heard the Tomb Robber laughing.

"I think the High Priest will kill him if the Pharaoh teaches those words to Mokuba."

"Oh my, was it that bad?" asked a female voice Shadi didn't recognize.

"It was worse," Bakura said smugly.

"You're just a sore loser." That was Malik.

"I am _not _a sore loser! I went through a whole huge ordeal to prove that. You watched! "

Malik stuck his tongue out at the Pharaoh.

"Then what's your malfunction dude?" That was the boy named Honda.

"I think it might have something to do with Bakura killing his hireling." Mariku sniggered.

"Hey it was legal!"

"Trying something new are we?"

"Shut up!"

"Bakura, making the wizard hireling look like the Dark Magician and then killing him was going a bit too far." Ah Ryou the mild voice of reason.

"What do you mean 'a bit'?"

"Settle down Atemu." Jounochi. Only someone that close to the Pharaoh would call him by name.

Shadi peered into the room.

"You know Atemu," or someone as arrogant as Kiaba, "Yugi started the whole make the Munchkins look like Dual Monsters thing."

"He did?"

Yugi looked embarrassed.

"Yeah, he made the hench wench look like the Dark Magician Girl," said the black-haired boy named Otogi.

Yugi squirmed under his yami's glare.

"Yugi…"

"I thought maybe you'd like it better if the cards were more familiar. I mean they aren't restricted to just one game right?"

"But the hench wench?"

"I just thought it might be fun. Besides, you gave her to me since you never keep gender specific cards anymore."

"That's not my fault. Stop laughing you psychos!"

"It was just the first idea popped into my head," Yugi said defensively. "Everyone else thought it was a good idea."

"Yeah it was," Bakura sniggered.

Yugi stuck his tongue out at the Tomb Robber. "I did it because I like the Dark Magician Girl. _You_ did it to just to be mean. Killing the Dark Magician. Really!"

"You guys are too obsessed those monsters. Just get over it."

Everyone stared at Kiaba. Shadi thought he heard a cricket chirruping.

"I _don't_ have to take that from _you,_" Atemu snorted.

"What do you mean?"

"I think he means the blue-eyes-white dragon steed, and the blue-eyes-white shoulder dragon big brother."

"Humph. Finish your turn Atemu."

"Fine. I'm looting the room," he said and drew a card from one of the decks on the table. Shadi saw Bakura get Yugi's attention. He held up a six-sided die and rolled it. No one else paid much attention.

Jounochi gave Kiaba a sly look. "Hey moneyman, what's with the shoulder dragon anyway?"

Kiaba looked confused.

"I mean ya hated the toon blue-eyes-white dragon, so why did you make the Cute Shoulder dragon look like a blue eyes?"

Yugi looked at the die, then at Bakura. He grinned and nodded.

"Because the shoulder dragon isn't an insult. It's just tiny, not toony."

"And you're all a little loony," said Isis as she walked into the room.

"And now the dragon's mine!" (1) Bakura crowed snatching the Shoulder Dragon.

"Hi sis!" Malik and Mariku said in frightening unison.

"Hey! You can't do that!"

"Oh yes I can. I'm a thief and if I roll a four or better I can steal stuff from my party."

"He can do that?"

"Yes, Honda he can do that."

Kiaba was tuning red with rage. "No you can't. No one saw you roll."

"I did! I did!" Yugi cheered enthusiastically. The table erupted in laughter.

"Get over it Kiaba and get on with your turn," Otogi snickered.

Kiaba snarled and drew a card.

"Hey Kiaba," the Pharaoh was smirking. This did not bode well for the CEO. Atemu slapped a card down on the table. Kiaba stared at it. His left eye began to twitch.

"What did you do?" Anzu asked. Ryou leaned over and read.

"Curse: spoiled rations. Everyone who owns a steed rolls a die. The low roller must sacrifice his steed to feed the party."

"And moneybags is the only one with a steed!" Jounichi cackled. Kiaba snarled and dropped his steed and the curse card in the discard pile.

Malik looked thoughtful for a moment. "Wait a minute, what just happened?"

Jounochi laughed. "Kiaba got schooled! That's was happened."

"Yeah I know, but…what I mean is…am I crazy or did the Pharaoh and the Tomb Robber just tag team Kiaba?"

There was a long pause. Atemu and Bakura stared at each other in disbelief. Finally Honda spoke up.

"Well, no one's gonna dispute the fact that you're crazy Malik…"

"Hey!"

"Well you are, but I think you have a point."

"Yeah," said Jounochi slowly, "Ya may not have meant to, but…"

"No way," Atemu and Bakura shouted at the same time.

"That's sure what it looked like."

"Yeah."

"Uh-huh."

"Sure looked like it to me."

"Yup."

"Oh hell, not _both_ of them!"

"It's all right big brother."

"How?"

"See? There's hope for you two yet," said Anzu cheerfully ignoring the fact that Atemu and Bakura were locked in a death glare staring match to end all death glare staring matches.

"See Anzu," Ryou grinned, "I _told_ you this game was a good idea."

"I guess so."

"Well I guess that's about a good as it's going to get."

Everyone jumped as Shadi entered the room.

"_You?"_ Bakura spat. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to check your progress. And as I said before, this is about as much as, well quite a bit more really, we could reasonably hope for." He took a deep breath.

"You are now ready (as you'll ever be) for the next step."

The Thief and the Pharaoh looked at each and then back at Shadi.

"Next step?" they asked, wincing as the spoke in unison again. Shadi pulled Rishid aside and began a low urgent conversation in Egyptian.

"I don't like where this going," Kiaba muttered. Everyone nodded in agreement. Rishid sat back down.

"Right then," said Shadi and struck an impressive pose.

The former holders of the Sennen Items stiffened at the sudden inflow of Shadow Magic into the room.

"Oh surely not," groaned Ryou

"Oh no," Yugi protested.

"Come _on!_" Malik wailed. All the yamis had stood up and were trying to get to Shadi to stop him.

Too late. There was a flash of violet light and then the room was empty. Cards fluttered down to the table. Just on the cusp of hear was a faint high pitched sound, like thousands of little voices laughing maniacally.

To be continued…

1. Good ol'Tiny Toon Adventures. If this isn't proof I need help then I don't know what is! xD I don't own Tiny Toons either.


	3. The Dungeon

_Author's Note: More Munchkiny goodness._

Warnings: None

Disclaimer: I still don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Munchkin

**The Dungeon**.

Yugi groaned and tried to sit up. This turned out to be a bad idea. He lay still for a moment waiting for the nausea to fade. The surface below felt cold, hard, and slightly damp. All he could think was.

_Not again._

Around him he heard various sounds of his friends waking up. At least he hoped they were his friends. He tried opening his eyes.

There was not much light in here. Well that was a mercy at least from his impending migraine's point of view. He sat up and looked around him.

"Oh Yugi you're awake. What's happened? Do you know where we are?"

"_Grandpa?"_

"One minute I was watching TV, the next I'm here in this dungeon."

Dungeon? Yugi studied his grandfather's face as his eye grew accustomed to the dim light. There was something not quite right.

"Are you okay Grandpa?"

"Actually I haven't felt this good in years. You, however, took a crack on the head but I think most of your friends are okay. But…"

"But what?" Yugi looked around.

A groaning mass of fluffy white hair suggested Ryou. Two blondes were inspecting a door on one wall of the dungeon.

One was quite tall and quite obviously female. Probably Mai then, but there was something different about her that Yugi couldn't quite place. She'd always been glamorous, but now she radiated it. The air around her seemed to sparkle. Had he been in the mood to be impressed, she might have inspired him to think of phrases like: her hair was like drifting waves of golden magic, or she had skin like starlight, literally scintillating.

As it was the best he could muster was that someone might as well have stamped "ELF" on her. He looked back at his grandfather. The little inconsistencies registered.

He was his normal height, but stockier, his beard was much longer and braided, and his favorite headband looked like it had become an iron helmet.

"Grandpa, you're a dwarf."

"You're looking a bit hobbitish yourself."

Yugi looked at himself. He was a halfling. Great.

He turned his attention to the other blonde examining the door. This one was much shorter, about the size of a child. The hairstyle and tanned skin were familiar though.

Malik he thought.

Wait. When did Malik get so short? And why did he smell like a chemical factory?

"What, exactly, did Shadi do?" he moaned.

"I wish I knew," a voice answered from a shadowed corner.

"Shadi? Is that you?" Yugi peered into the gloom, but couldn't see anything.

"Yes Yugi, it's me." It was Shadi's voice all right, but it sounded harsher. Like he had gravel in his throat.

"What were you trying to do?" Grandpa asked the shadow. Everyone was staring at the corner now, Yugi noticed. Even Ryou, who'd managed to get to his hands and knees.

"Well, this was supposed to be the next step for the Pharaoh and the Tomb Robber," the voice said. "This game has caused them to work together, albeit accidentally. The idea was that they work together to win."

"If this is about their bad blood, why are we here?" Mai snapped.

"You are their friends, you have guided them well so far. Besides there has to be more than two players for this game to work properly, yes?"

_For "this game" to work? _Yugi thought uneasily._  
_

"Wait," said Malik, "You mean to tell us that this is a _Munchkin_ Shadow Game?"

"Yes. That is so. Although I'm not sure why it pulled me in too. That wasn't supposed to happen."

"You pulled us into a _Munchkin_ Shadow Game." the miniaturized Tomb Keeper snarled. "And you call _me_ a trouble maker."

"That's because you are a trouble maker, Malik," Ryou groaned rubbing his head. He looked blearily around the room. His gaze settled on Malik.

"Malik, why are you a gnome?"

"Ask him!" Malik snapped pointing at the shadow.

"I think we're in trouble," Yugi mumbled.

"Damn right we're in trouble!" Malik danced around in agitation. "The mystic, wise servant of Anubis just drug us into a Shadow Game of the most vicious card game ever!

"Come out where we can see you!" he demanded. There was a shuffling noise as _something_ emerged from the shadow.

It was large. It was green. It was just as well the billowy robe covered most of it. It looked vaguely like Shadi even with the seriously fanged under bite and the enormous bat-like ears.

Everyone stared. Then they burst into hysterical laughter. Even Yugi was giggling.

"Shadi," he gasped, "you're an orc!"

"So that's what this is called."

Ryou wiped his eyes, "Hang on. If this is suppose to be about Bakura and Atemu—"

"—where are they?" Mai finished.

Shadi the Orc shook his head.

"I do not know. This game has a will of it's own. I cannot control it. There is no telling where the others ended up, or even how many have been pulled into this game."

Yugi sat thinking.

"Munchkin is much bigger than just the dungeon crawl game," he said at last. "The others could be in one of the other genres."

"In that case Bakura's in Bites," Ryou said firmly. "You can bet on it."

"How do we find them?" Yugi asked.

"We get out of this dungeon," Ryou stood up and looked down at himself. "Looks like I'm a cleric, and still human." He looked at the others.

"And it seems I'm adventuring with a halfling bard, a dwarvin warrior, an elvin warrior, a gnome thief and a orc wizard."

The others stared at him as he looked around the room.

"Ah-hah! I thought there must be something." He strode over a hither-unseen chest and opened it.

"Let's see, the pointy hat for Shadi, the Slay bells for Yugi, the Unnatural Axe for Grandpa, the Bow with Ribbons for Mai, the Dagger of Treachery for Malik, and the Cheese grater of Peace for me," he said cheerfully handing out the items.

He gave them a grin not at all fitting for a cleric, and entirely too reminiscent of his darker half.

"Ready? Let's kick down this door!"

Too be continued…

_Okie-dokie folks, who do you want next Anzu or Kiaba? Don't worry about the yamis, I'll get to them quite soon heheh ;D._


	4. Where Anzu Ended Up

_Author's Note: I know Kaiba (hey I spelled it right) was probably the one everyone was waiting for, but I thought of a much better way to bring him into the Munchkin world. So we have a short interlude with Anzu._

**Where Anzu ended up.**

Anzu hissed through her teeth in pain. They had fallen into another game again. She just knew it. She struggled to her knees and looked around. They were in a forest.

Well, she was in a forest.

Alone.

All by herself.

Everything around her was still. There was no sound of insects or birds. No breeze rustled the leaves around her.

She began to feel very afraid.

There was a faint rustling in the underbrush. One of her friends maybe?

"Yugi!" she called out hopefully. Nothing.

"Atemu? Jonochi? Honda?"

Silence.

She gulped and crept closer to the bushes. The rustling stopped.

All was still for a few moments.

A streak of blue shot out of the undergrowth, leaping at her.

Anzu screamed and fell on her backside. The whatever it was was behind her now. She scrambled to turn around, and saw it clearly.

It was a fox. An anthropomorphic fox, pale blue and nearly transparent. The thing bowed once and then shifted it's grip on a sword that was as transparent as itself.

She swallowed hard. Well it hadn't attacked again, so maybe it was friendly? She held out a hand.

"Hi. My name is Anz—"

The creature lunged. Anzu screamed again and rolled into the brush. The thing was out to kill her!

What could she do? What could she do? She could hear the thing snuffling around. She scrabbled in the forest debris. There had to something, a stick, a rock, anything she could use to defend herself. Her hand closed around something heavy. It was long too. She stared in amazement. A sword! She'd found a sword. Too bad she didn't know how to use it.

She heard a bark of triumph. The fox thing had found her. She turned and saw it leaping. She was never very sure of what happened next. She knew she was too slow. But the moment the Fox Spirit hit the top of its arc, the sword, it seemed to her began to drag her forward. As the Fox came down, the sword sliced through it.

Anzu closed her eyes expecting something horrible. But there was no sound, just the swish of the blade. She opened her eyes. The Fox staggered in front of her. It managed a shaky bow, rather deeper than the first and then dissipated like vapor.

Anzu staggered to her feet, gripping the sword as if she'd never let it go again. It hummed pleasantly in her hand. Unsteadily she inspected the spot where the creature had been. There was a strip of red and white cloth on the ground. When she picked it up she saw that it had the stylized Rising Sun. The kamikaze headband she realized.

"All right, FINE!" she yelled at the world in general. "If that's how you want to play, you got it!"

She tied the headband on and shouldered the sword. For the first time she realized that she was wearing a yellow and black suit.

_When did that happen?_ she wondered. She looked around and found a path. She was all alone, dressed in clothes she knew she didn't own, carrying a sword she didn't know how to use, and she was pretty sure she was once again, trapped in a Shadow Game.

Crush or no crush, when she found the Pharaoh again she was going to give him a piece of her mind! And Bakura too, this was all their fault!

She set off determinedly. Hopefully the path would lead her to someone who could teach her how to use her new weapon.

To be continued…

_The Yamis are up next. _

_I still need help with Honda. Should he be an international super spy or a yakuza? Which ever one he is, Otogi will be the other. I'm leaning towards spy. _


	5. The Haunted Mansion

_Author's Note: Yes, I am still writing this. I've been kind of caught up in my KH fic, but now back to Munchkin._

Warnings: Yami torture.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Munchkin

**The Haunted Mansion **

Atemu groaned as he came too. It was completely dark and he could feel the walls of something all around him. Like waking up in a sarcophagus. It was only then he recognized the smell. It was so familiar to him than he hadn't counted it as odd, but those spices, so essential in Egypt, were alien in modern Japan.

For a moment he nearly had a panic attack.

He _was _in a sarcophagus.

It was a nightmare he had occasionally, but he usually only had it on those nights he and Yugi stayed up late watching monster movies and he purposely hogged the chili-cheese fries to keep Yugi's sugar level manageable. This often caused fights, but once he understood exactly what diabetes(1) was, he'd been immovable on the subject. Plus he had Jounochi backing him up.

This was defiantly not one of those capsaicin-induced nightmares. He tried to move and was relieved to find his arms free. He pushed at the lid and was startled at how easily it gave way. He was also shocked by the sound of shattering glass.

That wasn't right.

He eased forward and looked around blinking his eyes rapidly to acclimate them to the light. It was just a thin gruel of light that had somehow managed to filter through the cobweb-encrusted windows, but it was still bright after the sarcophagus.

A library. He was in an ancient, decrepit library that had a number of Egyptian artifacts in glass display cases, one of which he'd just smashed.

_Someone in this world_ he thought as he eased himself over the broken glass_ is a really sick cookie._

It occurred to him to wonder just what world he currently inhabited. There was a familiar tang in the air, just like the…

Shadow Realm.

Dammit Shadi!

That was it then. He was stuck in a Munchkin Shadow game.

He looked down at himself. He was wearing Egyptian clothes except for some reason he was also wearing an apron emblazoned with the familiar image of the Eye of Horus inside an upside down pyramid. Mercifully, he body seemed normal and not desiccated.

So, he was a mummy, big surprise. That meant _Bites_. And he seemed alone at the moment so that meant the rest of the group was out there in the mansion somewhere.

So were the monsters.

He looked around. In a corner he saw a baseball bat. Not the grandest of weapons but better than nothing.

888

Twenty minutes later he was wandering down a long corridor. He still hadn't found anyone, but he had found a frying pan and enough bats to fill a cave. He'd also found the end of his patience.

Where was Yugi? He knew the boy had inherited his title of the King of Games, but he highly doubted that this game would care. He hated the thought of his little aibou waking up the way he had or worse. The thought that he might wandering around this hostile game all by himself was unbearable.

He stared out a grimy window.

"Where are you Yugi?" he asked the world in general.

There was the noise of footsteps coming toward him. He spun around, but saw no one. They were very odd footsteps, kind of clicky and cloppy.

He still didn't see anyon—

"Hello? Is there someone out here?"

No it couldn't be.

"I thought I heard someone out here."

Please Ra, no.

"Yugi-boy! Is that you?"

Not him. Anyone but him.

The clacking footsteps started galloping towards him.

"It is you Yugi-boy! I'd recognize that hair anywhere."

Atemu did something very out character at that moment. Waking up in a sarcophagus, the horror of finding himself in a Munchkin shadow game, his growing concern for Yugi, his annoyance with Shadi, the endless stream of bizarre bats, it was too much. And now that he'd finally found someone it was fruitcake extraordinaire, Pegasus J. Crawford. He fell to his knees wailing.

"Arrrrrgggghhhhh! Kaiba was right! Ra does hate me!"

"Well that isn't very friendly," Pegasus pouted. Atemu turned at looked at him for the first time. And then wished he hadn't.

"Pegasus, I don't suppose I could trouble you to put on some pants?"

"Well, I did look Yugi-boy, but nothing seemed to fit over these legs."

Atemu shuddered, but looked back at the other duelist. He blinked, rubbed his eyes and looked again.

Pegasus's offending lower half wasn't human. It more like a stag's. He might have thought a goat like a fawn, except Pegasus also had a set of antlers sprouting out of his head. And what he had taken for a cloak was really a pair of furled, moth-like wings.

"Pegasus, you're a faerie."

The man come changeling glared down at him.

"Well I know I'm not your favorite person, but that's hardly any reason to call me names. Besides, I so sick of that one."

"No I mean a real faerie. You know, the fay? Dancing in circles, can't touch iron."

"Oh," he said slightly mollified. "It was just an observation. Well yes I guess I am. Yugi-boy what is going on? One minute I'm by my pool with a lovely red-wine spritzer and the next I'm naked in the most filthy room I've ever been in, trying to walk on deer legs and getting antlers tangled in the curtains."

Atemu groaned and stood up rubbing his temple.

"For starters, my name is Atemu. I'd appreciate it if you used it, it took me three thousand years to find it."

"Oh, you must be the intelligence in the puzzle. You look an awfully lot like Yugi-boy."

"He's my reincarnation."

The silver haired man nodded. He accepted the oddest thing so readiy. "Very well Atem-boy, where are we?"

The Pharaoh felt his eye twitch.

"It's a Shadow Game, can't you tell?"

Pegasus waved his hands dramatically. "Well it crossed my mind, but well how?"

"Shadi."

"Ah."

Atemu sighed. The man was at least intelligent. That was his only saving grace.

"What kind of game is this?"

"Munchkin."

"Never heard of it."

"Trust me. It's a bad thing."

"How do we get out?"

"Play the game of course."

"How?"

"I'll explain it. Look Pegasus, have you found anyone else besides me?"

"Well, yeah… erk!"

Atmeu had grabbed two handfuls of silver hair and pulled the changeling down to his eye level. His was amazed at his own strength. It was kind of cool.

"Who? Where?" he demanded.

"Hey don't pull the hair!"

"Tell me!"

"Okay okay, I found that little Egyptian guy, you know the one who gave you the god card? But I couldn't get him to wake up."

The Pharaoh sighed and released the taller man. Malik, oh well. It was a start.

"Take me to him."

Pegasus glared him with teary eyes at him rubbing his scalp. "Owww that hurt Atem-boy."

Atemu glared right back at him. "You lived, and I didn't pull that hard. Now hurry up or I'll yank something else that can't be fixed with expensive shampoo."

Pegasus shuffled away from him. "I never knew you were so violent," he sniffled.

"Look faerie-boy," he was pleased to see the man wince at the name, "We really don't have time for this. We have to find the others as soon as possible. This game is vicious. I have to find Yugi before something happens to him."

"Well alright, this way," Pegasus took off in the direction that he came from. "Incidentally, do you _have _to say faerie?"

"Well the card says changeling so I guess I'll try and use that."

"Good. Now tell me about this game."

888

It wasn't Malik. It was Mariku. In a coffin. Definitely a coffin, in a gothic crypt. The hinges creaked ominously.

Atemu poked the recumbent figure a couple of times. He didn't move.

"I tried everything," Pegasus said conversationally. "He won't wake up."

The Pharaoh shook his head, Mariku in full evening dress, who would've thought it? He was also a couple shades paler that normal. A large black umbrella was leaning against the side of the coffin.

Just to confirm his suspicions, he pulled back the other boy's upper lip.

Yup, fangs.

"I guess we have to wait for sunset," he sighed.

"Why?"

"He's vampire Pegasus, he won't wake up until the sun goes down."

Atemu sat down leaning against the opposite wall.

"You mean you're just going to sit here waiting? What about rushing to find Yugi-boy?"

"Look the more people we have the better chance we have. Besides I think if Mariku's here that must mean that Yugi is with the other hikari's"

"Sorry?"

"Look there's three, er, six of us. Sort of two versions of the same soul. Yugi, Ryou and Malik are the light side and Bakura, Mariku and I are the dark side. I think Yugi must be with the other lights."

"B-Bakura? The one with the white hair and the R-Ring?"

"Yeah that's him."

"H-he's h-h-here?" Pegasus looked around fearfully.

Atemu frowned. Why did the thought of Bakura…oh yeah, the whole yanking out the Sennen Eye thing. He grinned. Heh, so that lousy Tomb Robber was good for something after all.

888

Bakura woke up with a sneeze. Damn he was cold! He sat up looking around. A graveyard. A dark, dank, windswept, and mournful graveyard. He snorted in disgust. Could anything be more repulsively poser gothic?

Dammit Shadi!

He looked down at what he was laying on. It was a fairly large granite marker. He couldn't make out the name but the dates read:

1850-1897

1898-1933

1935-1989

1993-

That was probably a hint that it was time to leave.

He staggered to his feet. Damn it was cold! He rubbed his arms and his fingernails caught on the frayed edge of his sleeve. That wasn't right. He looked down. All his clothes seemed to be threadbare rags held together with string.

He never wore anything so tatty. The last time he'd worn anything so ragged…well, he didn't like to think about that. No wonder he was so cold.

He started looking around for any kind of direction, but the gloom was thick and getting thicker as the sun went down. As he turned into the wind he caught a scent. It was unfamiliar, and unusually acute. Well it was a direction, so he decided to follow it.

After a few steps he got the odd sensation that he was being followed. He looked around but no one was there.

A few more steps and he had to stop and hitch up his pants. Really, what was the deal? There was no waist at all to these pants. What the heck was holding them up at all?

As he reached around his fingers bushed something furry. He yelped. It wasn't everyday you found a part of you that hadn't been there an hour ago. Now that he was thinking about it, he could tell that his spine seemed to extend quite a bit further than normal.

He could _move_ the thing. He curled it around his waist to get a glimpse. A tail. He had a long, white, shaggy tail. On an impulse he ran his hands up the sides of his face. His ears weren't where they were supposed to be. He found them nearly on top of his head. They tapered to points, and he found that he could move them all around. He could make the perk up, or droop, or completely flatten them to his head, and swivel them in any direction that he pleased.

They were soft and pleasant to the touch, and he had the thought that it might be nice if someone petted them. If it was someone he liked. That pretty much narrowed it down to Ryou.

"Well," he muttered, "I guess this explains my brand new sniffer too." And he set off in the direction of the scent he'd detected.

He wasn't too worried about the others. The only one he really cared about anyway was Ryou, and he was good at this game so he'd probably be all right. He did want to find the others, preferably before any monsters found him.

Damn! He'd never have believed that Shadi was this stupid.

He began to hear a faint "tappity-tappity" sound. He looked up and saw a ways away a small stone mausoleum. The noise was coming from the roof. When he got closer he could make out a vaguely wolf-shaped figure that was tapping away at a typewriter.

"You're name wouldn't happen to be Marv(2) would it?" he called up at the figure. The typing stopped and wolf leaned over the edge adjusting his glasses.

"Who wants to know?" he said in boding tone that sounded very rehearsed.

"Um…me, over here Marv."

The creature adjusted his glasses again. "Oh, you're a werewolf, well that's all write then." The creature made a snorting, choking sound that Bakura decided was laughter.

"Did you get that?" he chortled. "Write, right?"

"Yes, yes very clever."

"Really? You think so, 'cause I know lots of people don't appreciate word play…"

"Well, I certainly do, coming from such a master." _Oh Ra please let him buy this BS._

The bespectacled werewolf preened. "So good to finally meet a fellow literary connoisseur."

_Damn I'm good!_

"Marv, I'm afraid I don't have time to hear anymore of you work right now, you see, I'm late."

"For what?"

Bakura scrambled for something appropriately ominous. "I must meet _someone _at the mansion, _exactly thirteen minutes after sunset!"_

Marv tapped his nose. "Gotcha."

"But the problem is that I got turned around in the cemetery. Could you point me in the right direction?"

"Oh of course, take this path, you can't miss it. It's covered in gargoyles."

"Thank you very much."

"Oh here." Marv tossed something black and heavy down to him. "That might help."

Bakura shook it out to find a large black trench coat. Sweet! He put it on. "Thanks man," he called out and set down the path.

Twelve minutes after sunset. He was standing at the door to the haunted mansion. Marv had been right. It was infested with gargoyles. He'd even killed a few.

Now with his lovely new Sword of Beheading People Just Like in that Movie, his Axe of Contrition of the Dead, his Spiked Collar and his Perfect hair he was ready to kick down this door. He grinned; the remaining light glinted off his elongated canines.

888

The boom echoed all the way down to the depths of the crypt. Pegasus leapt shrieking, Mariku sat up banging his head on the inside of his coffin. There was a muffled "Ow." He opened the coffin rubbing his forehead.

"Pharaoh? What the hell?"

Atemu ignored him in favor grinning evilly at the panicking Pegasus.

"He's heee-eeree."

To be continued…

1. At one point in the manga (Volume 5 I think) Yugi collapses when he's trying to prevent the Pharaoh from taking over. Jounochi, not knowing what's wrong, asks him if he needs his insulin. So that's where that came from. It's not mentioned again as far as I know, but I merely assumed the problem was minimized with both Atemu and Jounochi around to look after Yugi. It's not easy, looking after a diabetic, I know, I've done it.

2. Marv is a Munchkin monster.

_I'll try to do better on updating this from now on. _


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